It's a kind of magic.

I dunno, I have a few weeks off from blogging and the whole place starts going pear shaped. Can't I leave you lot alone for just five minutes??

If you've been reading the papers of late; crazy things have been happening recently, not only to my good-self, but events of global cataclysmic magnitudes!! But seeming as this blog is all about ''me, me, me''- we'll deal with my musings first, they're far more important.

Anyway....... I'm starting to think I may have developed super-powers, because in the space of a week i've sat and watched three women [of varying degrees of hotness] fall flat on their arses.

The 1st one was using a swing [no, not a sex swing!], a swing on a park, went too high [for a female] and came flying off, legs akimbo and hit the dirt, hard.

The 2nd one was elegantly strolling across a set of congested traffic lights and somehow manage to get her flip-flopped foot caught up in the hem of her baggy/floaty trousers and went sprawling, big time! How embarrassing! I would of wet myself laughing but for the fact she was really, really hot. Well, I don't want to ruin my chances....

The 3rd one was this annoying woman at Asda. There was little old me trying to pull out of my parking space when this pram-faced/tracksuit wearing/slummy mummy walked in front of my car, ''women, always getting in the flaming way'' i muttered to myself. Just then [in a car park the size of half a dozen football pitches] she trod and slipped on a banana skin. She managed to pull off a somersault so perfect even Tom Daley would of been proud. I'll have to give her some credit as she quickly got back up onto her feet, probably cussing me as she limped off. lol.

Now, with the first 2, I thought ''that's a bit of a coincedence'', but when the 3rd one happened I started to think something spooky was taking place. The only rational explanation I can come up with is this; due to my increased levels of intelligence, sexiness and charisma, these traits have now manifested themselves into the form of Telekinesis. For those of you that are unaware [or uneducated] what it means is; the power to control objects remotely, using brainwaves!! Why this special gift from the heavens has only just started revealing itself is a mystery to me. Since the age of  13 i've been concentrating intensely on the female cleavage hoping those pesky blouse buttons will come flying off, but to no avail.


Then, just the other day, major news. It was splashed all over the newspapers, people celebrating, gathering in the streets, chanting and cheering, all because afters years of living under oppression and misery they'd finally heard the news they'd been longing to hear. Yes, you've guessed it; Steps are getting back together!! My God, I was soo happy I nearly rushed out into the street and emptied my Kalashnikov !!!   And before you ask, no, that's not a euphemism for something else. You filthy buggers!

Hmmm ....... if i stare hard enough at Lisa Scott-Lee's blouse ...?