Auld Langs ..... Sigh!!!

So you can really tell it's getting towards the end of the year, as around this time you see lots of out of shape, couch potatoes chucking their guts up, red faced and blundering down the street as they plan to be the new Paula Radcliffe.

That's the trouble with people these days. They spend all year gorging on lard pies and cakes then have a heart whilst trying to loose half their body weight in a fortnight. By god, when me and my company were ninja training in the jungles of Borneo we really knew how to be in tune with our bodies and senses. Many a time hand-to-hand combat was fought in total darkness, a man had to be in a total state of awareness and harmony with one's surroundings, or to the uncouthed layman on the street .... ''unagi''

That's the good thing about being a tightfisted Scrooge over Christmas. Zero weight gain! Not just a hat rack my friend, not just a hat rack. Although being totally honest i did throw caution to the wind and by a box of mince pies last week, well, they were on special offer. So you see, even Mr Heckles can splash the cash occasionally. Hey!!... you filthy minded toe-rags, i said 'splash the cash' .... not...!

I know it's hard to believe but, i'm not much of a fan of Christmas or New Years. I think it must stem from my childhood, as the working poor we had to make do with very little. Not like kids today who think they're hard-done-by if they don't get a room full of computer gizmo's and a miniature pony that sh*ts gold sovereigns. When you get to my age it just means another year has passed you by, with a broken heart and a painful death just that little bit closer.



 New Years resolutions are another pain in the derriere. Normally i don't bother as i'm pretty much perfect. But i guess there's always room for improvement, so keeping my nails shorter and refraining from nibbling the ends of my fingers [that part of the human body doesn't have a specific name] when i'm under intolerable pressure. It'll be a tough challenge but being a man of courage and moral fortitude doesn't come easy. I have also decided to see the world a bit more. Admittedly, a war pension doesn't stretch far these days, especially when you consider how much poor people like me have to subsidise the corrupt bankers in Canary Wharf. I reckon if i turn off the central heating, live in just one room of the house and eat cheapy baked beans for breakfast, dinner and tea, i should be able to afford it. Eating all those beans will probably mean i don't need need the heating on anyway, crikey, it'll be like a scene out of Blazing Saddles!!!!!

Moscow [that's in Russia btw] is a place i've longed to visit. The Kremlin and St. Basil's Cathedral are just two of the many fascinating places i'd love to have a nosey around. The only real problem in can envisage is the language barrier. I've already learnt a spot of Russian. ''Neit''... it means ''NO''. Yup, not just a pretty face you know. Unfortunately the phrase; ''bugger off before i hit you with my walking stick'' doesn't translate very well.  Why they can't all speak English is beyond me. How bloomin' rude is that? That's the trouble when you start travelling abroad, them foreigner's, they're such an ignorant bunch of комуністи !!!