Life's a beach

As a highly regarded member of the 'intelligensia' i like to spend my time pondering some of the more meaningful issues and unanswered questions in life. Such as the inner workings of the Large Hadron Collider, Proffessor Hawkins Big Bang Theory, the studying of black-holes and trying to work out how the hell people get them model ships inside the little glass bottles!!

Now, whilst the ship in a bottle mystery may never be solved, there are plenty of others that can. Anyway.... just the other day i was deliberating the pro's and con's of reincarnation and what would be the best thing to come back as. [when you get to my age you start to think of this type of stuff]. A veritable plethora of options sprung to mind. Perhaps come back as Nora Batty's wrinkled stockings or maybe even Gloria Hunniford's personal douche [now there's a thought].

I've now decided that a seagull is easily the best option. They have the best life. You get spend all day hanging out with friends down at the beach, free lodgings, harrass people you don't like the look of and get to eat fish & chips everyday. Sounds like a veritable nirvana to me. Although i do realise you don't have to be reincarnated to do most of the things i've just mentioned. On a recent brisk stroll along Skegness Promenade clearly highlighted all that's really needed for the life of a seagull is a dubious immigration status and free taxpayer hand-outs!!

Sun, sea and stupid people.

People can be so thick.

I'm not talking about [moving in] 2+2 or the capital of Monaco and stuff, but the real basics of life, ie: common sense. Some people have it, most don't. Some of the thickest people i've ever met are those with the longest list of qualifications. Years and years spent dodging 'real graft' by hiding out at College and Uni [taxpayer funded] only to end up working in Costa Coffee or Nando's.



Anyway, i digress. It would seem that whenever the sun comes out and people are near water, it has the side- effect of shrinking their brains. Like the stupid woman called Anna Baboy,29, who thought that on one of the hottest days of the year she'd have a can of lager [classy], do a spot of sunbathing on Brighton beach .... along with her 5 month old baby called.... er... Cosmo!!! Needless to say the baby suffered 40% burns. I can't decide whether Social Services should prosecute this excuse of a woman for neglect or for stigmatising a child with the name 'Cosmo.' Maybe it should be both? Maybe she should be sterilised via the rusty coat hanger method? One things for sure, with a mother like that i doubt if the kid will ever amount to anything in life, the odds just don't look good.

Yep, it really makes me wonder how people so stupid can actually make it through life sometimes. Cripes! only the other week i read another story about a chap who got pished as a fart and decided it to cool off by going for a swim. He cooled off alright... in the chiller at the local morgue. Add this to all the millions of idiots [usually at Skegness] that get swept miles out to sea on inflatable airbeds and innertubes. I'm sure the lifeboat chaps have better things to do than spend all day fishing out those 'tubes'. Instead of launching a lifeboat, maybe a helicopter gunship would be more beneficial and cost-effective. Use the fools for target practice, it'll be the only time they serve any real purpose in life.

Although it has to be said, those examples come way down on the ''Richter Scale of Idiots'' when compared to the fool in the clip below who thought it would be a good idea to defy onlookers by standing on the roof of a train .... and grab the overhead powerlines. What a bright spark !!!

For some people there is no hope.