Well, i don't know about you miserable lot but i'm sick to death about all this digital switchover gubbins. Everytime i switch on the telly there are even more flaming adverts for the thing. Bonkers! In the past couple of months i've had to reset my digibox more times than Ulrika Jonhsons nose !
Anyway...... It came to a head the other day with all the faffing and stuff. Nearly ended up missing my favourite day-time TV show: Real Fishwives Of New York City. Whaaat? For those people who haven't witnessed the delights of this recent US import it's about a bunch of wealthy, self-obsessed, insecure, loud-mouthed, backstabbing housewives. The only thing these so-called friends seem to have in common is; they all live in swanky condos [??], wear swanky clothes and eat at swanky restaurants yet none of them seem to have any definable means of income, coupled with the fact they've all been under the surgeons knife yet somehow have skillfully managed to master the art of looking 10 to 15 years older than they should. Characters include:
Bethanny Frankel [yes, that's a real name!].A woman who lives in a flat the size of rabbit hutch and has had so much botox in her face it doesn't even move when she sneezes.
Alex and Simon. Two people joined at the hip who continually insist on getting their straggly haired kid [Francoise, yes that's a real name!] to speak French. God only knows why, they don't even speak that language in France! [yes, that's a real country!] Alex is the painfully skinny, doting wife who bears a passing resemblance to Nicole Kidman, albeit a very poor version, if that's possible. And Simon.... a man who likes to wear Speedos!!! I'll say no more.
The posh one who likes to be known at all times as: Countess Luann De Lesseps. All fur coat and no knickers if you ask me. A woman who claims to be a normal, grounded, unpretentious person despite her high faluting title. A title she got by marrying some guy who came from some insignificant European country that nobody has heard of, that, whilst back in World War 2 probably got steam-rollered by Nazi paratroopers in around the time it takes to boil a kettle.
As i mentioned, Luann loves using her title nearly as much as she likes hearing others use it. On a recent outing with Botox Bethanny, Luann was introduced to the immigrant chauffeur merely as ''Luann.'' A conversation quickly ensued in the back of the car [in earshot of said chauffeur] with Luann saying she prefered the ''hired help'' to address her as Countess De Lesseps. Oh merci me!! All this snobbery backfired at The Hamptons whilst on the phone trying to order pizza for her equally snobby kids. It went something like this, ahem .....
Her: 'i'd like to order 2 cheese and tomato pizzas'
Pizza guy: 'what name is it'
Her: 'Mrs De Lesseps ........... Countess De Lesseps'
Pizza guy: ....'who?'
Snakes alive, did i laugh or what. You just can't script that kinda stuff. Okay, so the show has got more cheese than a tramps cock, but you just can't argue with comedy gold like that.
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So, yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. One of those rare moments in history where everyone remembers exactly where they were at the time.
George Bush Jnr was talking to a group of school children. Me, well i'd just come in from the garden, flicked on the telly, saw the first tower in flames and thought it was a trailer for a soon-to-be-released blockbuster movie. I guess it must of took a minute or two for the penny to drop .... and my jaw to follow. Helplessly watching those poor souls hanging out of the windows unable to get to safety and the firefighters who where climbing the stairs to rescue people made my heart sink, as it still does today.
It's amazing that it's been 10 years, time passes so quickly these days, but for many people the wounds haven't healed. I'd hope the relatives, friends and colleagues could take some comfort in the knowledge that their loved ones didn't die in vain but have helped make the world a safer place for us all.
