Nominations are flooding in...

... for the most prestigious awards ceremony of 2010. Yes, it's nearly time for the 'Cock Of The year Award'. This year has seen an veritable avalanche of shite-hawks and scumbags. Thieving politicians, deluded micro celebs and Joe Public non-entities have been pulling out all the stops to prove their worthiness of such a coveted award. In no particular order, the front runners include...


Cheryl [the convicted drunken thug] Cole.
Nick [sells his own mother to get into power] Clogg.
Gordon [who says the Scots don't have a sense of humour] Brown.
Colleen [i've got an annoying accent and husband] Rooney.
John [i sleep with my team-mates missus, and get her pregnant] Terry.

Other contenders are:

Serial fainter Gillian Mckeith, that annoying bloke from Ryan Air, Katie Price and anyone who had the brass neck to appear on the pretentious clap-trap docu-soap 'The Only Way Is Essex.'  Stay tuned for the results!

200 TV channels and nothing to watch

Last night i had the unfortunate 'pleasure' of having to stay in and watch Saturday night TV..... due to a groin injury caused at the local Bowls Club. A fellow member put his kit bag down in the wrong place causing yours truly to go arse over tit and crushed my bowling ball. That Dick Ronson has a lot to answer for. Them Merchant Navy types, all the bloody same!!

So there i am, Sat'day night, favourite armchair, bottle of stout and a bag of Werthers Originals. Heaven! The only problem seemed to be that there was bugger all to watch on the gogglebox. All that money spent on fancy sat-nav telly and it's all wall-to-wall repeats or unrealistic American forensic drivel. Anyway.... it got so bad i forced myself to watch that X-Factor excrement. Do people really watch that tosh??? No wonder this country has gone to the dogs. I've heard better singing at closing time down at the British Legion on bingo night. And what the story behind that Wagner bloke? He looks like Pat Sharp's grandad ....who's been dragged up from the bottom of a gravel pit by Police scuba divers!!

Now, i'm no John Barrowman or katherine Jenkins, but that guy can't sing for toffee, although judging by the standard of contestants / judges, vocal abilities seem way down on the list of priorities. Eventually it got so bad i had to switch over and watch a harrowing WW2 documentary. It really comes to something when a person would rather watch footage of Nazi Death Camps than watch the X-Factor. Now that is torture. Thank God 'Celebrity Jungle Drums' has just started. Phew !!!