Nominations are flooding in...

... for the most prestigious awards ceremony of 2010. Yes, it's nearly time for the 'Cock Of The year Award'. This year has seen an veritable avalanche of shite-hawks and scumbags. Thieving politicians, deluded micro celebs and Joe Public non-entities have been pulling out all the stops to prove their worthiness of such a coveted award. In no particular order, the front runners include...


Cheryl [the convicted drunken thug] Cole.
Nick [sells his own mother to get into power] Clogg.
Gordon [who says the Scots don't have a sense of humour] Brown.
Colleen [i've got an annoying accent and husband] Rooney.
John [i sleep with my team-mates missus, and get her pregnant] Terry.

Other contenders are:

Serial fainter Gillian Mckeith, that annoying bloke from Ryan Air, Katie Price and anyone who had the brass neck to appear on the pretentious clap-trap docu-soap 'The Only Way Is Essex.'  Stay tuned for the results!

Lip Up Fatty !!

Who's who? Pete Burns or Katie Price?

What is it with these minor celebs who keep having all this cosmetic surgery stuff. If it's not new teeth from B&Q [Cheryl Cole] or having their face's stretched tighter than a snare drum [Denise Van Outen] then it's getting their bangers increased half a dozen sizes [Dane Bowers]. I've always been lead to believe that 'less is more'. That's certainly true if you've ever had the misfortune to see me fully naked [ahem].

Anyway..... Just the other day whilst sitting in my favourite armchair [waiting for the meals-on-wheels woman to turn up, 'Whiskers Janice'] i decided to have a read of the paper. Big mistake! I laughed so hard i nearly soiled my new slacks. It would seem that some woman called Katie Price/Jordan has gotten herself a 'nice' pair of comedy fish lips. Obviously the thought of looking like a Pete Burns doppleganger was no barrier. Methinks it could be one big cover-up. Maybe it wasn't plastic surgery at all. Maybe it's to do with her cage fighting hubby; Mike Read. Maybe he's been using wee Katie to practice for his next fight. It's not all bad news though, there's a possibility he might knock some sense into her, then again, she is from Wales!