Thanks to the millionaire parasites in Canary Wharf and Westminster the country is in hock to the tune of a trillion quid. So what do the Tories think is the best way to get the economy restarted and the debt down??? Yep that's right, they give the richest in society a tax break!!
We all know that Conservatives always put the wealthy before the poor, but yesterday's budget beggars belief. Anyone with a brain knows that people who earn over £150,000 don't need a handout. So once again we have the same old situation of the low-paid subsidising the rich. The country is well and truly forked. They tell us ''we're all in this together,'' but obviously some are more in it than others. How exactly will giving someone [who earns 1 million a year] an extra 50 grand help the elderly, disabled, homeless and unemployed? Maybe this what the Tories mean by ''trickle down'' economics!
One good thing to come out of all these protests and shenanigan's are all the banners that people keep wafting about, or should that be the 'funny' banners people keep wafting about. Here are my current top five:
One of the main benefits of being old enough to be in sight of them pearly gates is that i won't have to sit and watch the entire country go tits up. Well, more tits up than it already is. Because for some unknown reason, politicians, regardless of their political allegiances seem to be unable to stop themselves from shafting the hardworking taxpayers of the UK.
Hardly a day goes by when citizens of this once great nation don't get a good solid kick in the nuts by the parasites at Westminster. We're taxed to the hilt, arrested by the Thought Police and constantly being monitored under a sea of CCTV cameras ..... and now they're selling us down the river to the Americans.
Yes, it would seem that the Government is only too quick to extradite retired businesman Christopher Tappin to the US without them having to produced a shred of credible evidence against him, but a man [ i use the word 'man' in the loosest possible way ] called Abu Qatada can walk the streets of Blighty safe in the knowledge that he is untouchable. Qatada is wanted for questioning by numerous foreign countries regarding terrorist activities, but has spent many years, and no doubt millions of pounds of taxpayers money fighting extradition. As we all know, he's just one of a long line of undesirables who hide behind the Human Rights Act to avoid paying for their crimes against humanity.
Scottish muppet, Gordon Brown coined the phrase; 'British jobs for British workers', then quickly proceeded to do the exact opposite, and it would also seem that David Cameron is using that phrase as his modus operandi. We're constantly being told there's no money in the kitty, but that doesn't stop the Tories wasting it like it's going out of fashion.
Just the other day the MOD put in an order for 4 naval tanker ships costing £452,000,000 .... with a South Korean ship builder!!!! Maybe the manufacturing base in the UK has been destroyed so much that we're unable to build boats any more? What a sorry state of affairs. No doubt they'll fall apart within 6 months and what's the betting that China, Russia and Argentina get to study the blueprints long before our boys do?
Pride of the British Fleet.
And as we all know [ if you pay attention to what's happening in the world ] not so long ago, thousands of workers got thrown onto the dole when Tories snubbed the UK's last train maker [Bombardier] and awarded a 3 billion pound contract to German firm- Siemens. British jobs for British workers, my arse! Incidentally, Seimens was one of the companies during WW2 that not only used slave labour to make vast profits, but also made components for incinerators and ventilation systems used to gas and burn millions of Jews in the Nazi extermination camps.
That's just a little something for YOU to think about whilst travelling around in one of the 1,200 carriages they're building for the London Thameslink rail route.
''Chin-up Tomasz, only 6,837,792 left, and then we'll start building trains for the British''
God only knows what's been happening of late. These famous types seem to be dropping like flies. So many have popped their cloggs it's getting hard to keep track of 'em. Micheal Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Maggie Thatcher [oops sorry, that's just wishful thinking on my part]... and now Whitney has snuffed it, literally. Maybe it's something in the water? Or in Whiney's case, the bath water!
Apparently, Whitney had had not long finished shooting [no pun intended]a new film that was due out in the summer, it was to be called 'The Bodybag' and her management team had been telling her to lay off the drugs and get herself clean. As with most famous types they like to go over the top and as a result ended up brown bread in the bath. I guess she waited too long to exhale! She'll be a sad loss to the music biz because Whitney had sold over 170 million records, yet her biggest hits came from a crack-pipe. It's been well documented that she had a rather 'tempestious' relationship with her hubby, so it came as quite a shock to read the headline, 'Whitney Beats Bobby To Death.' Last week her funeral was shown live on the t'interweb, and they reckon it got around 40 million hits. Which is roughly the same number of hits that Whitney got from Bobby...
Joking aside, it is kinda sad to see people with talent, fame and fortune, who, through poor self control disappear up their own backsides. At the end of the day these people are the architects of their own downfall and deserve very little sympathy - that should be saved for the people they've left behind.
I guess that's the thing with a lot of wealthy people, whether they happen to be famous or not - they're never truly happy with anything they have. It doesn't matter if they've got the fake B&Q teeth, flash cars or fancy second homes, because most have lives as empty and vacuous as a Greek bank account.
It seems to be getting colder and colder of late. Being on a meagre state pension whilst trying to save for my holidays is hard work [more on that subject a bit later]. As i've mentioned previously, the central heating has been turned off in order to save a few vital pennies. And yes, the cupboards have been fully stocked with baked beans!! This now means that instead of spending my evenings sitting in my favourite armchair, hot milk in hand whilst watching Celebrity Big Brother - it's an early night with my electric blanket and a good book that's calling me.
Being someone of high inteligence my thirst for knowledge is unquenchable. So much so that i've easily been going through one book per month! Yeah i know, that's some going, isn't it?
I do love a good book. I hate fiction with a passion, but love facts. Autobiographies are what sets my literary mind juices flowing. There's nothing more interesting than reading about someone who's achieved great things or been at the centre of major events. Although it has to be said that not all biogs are worth the paper they're printed on. Take slapper glamour girl katie Price, a slip of a girl who has 'written' 3 biographies already, yet Albert Einstein has none! Food for thought methinks... hmmm!
One of my favourite books has been about a ginger comedian called Frankie Boyle. Very insightful, straight to the point and crammed full of put-downs, one-liners and witty humour. Why, i could of almost written the book myself, hehheh. Now, who was it who said, ''self praise is no recommendation''..????
I've recently started reading a new book by some U.S rock band called The Motley Crew, which is turning into something of an eye opener. Drugged up, over-sexed rock bands aren't my usual bag, but the mere fact these young boys have lived life on the edge of destruction is of great interest to an ex-services man like myself. I too lived life on the edge whilst fighting deep in the jungles of Borneo. Although i hasten to add, i spent my time in an altogether different kind of bush!!
Unusually for moi, i did manage to finish a fiction book before starting my Motley Crew biog the other day. White Tiger is a book about a young boy struggling to get out his poverty stricken village in India and make some serious rupee's. A bit of a slow starter but very insightful and interesting book nonetheless. I'm unsure as to what surprised me the most. The fact i managed to read the entire book and enjoy it, or the fact i somehow managed to upload the photo, from my camera and onto my blog! Enshallah ... Enshallah.
Following on from the top of the page: As an ex-services man, i do like to plan things with military precision, well ahead of time, nothing left to chance, that's how they built The British Empire don't you know. Like my schedule for my meticulously researched and eagerly anticipated trip to Moscow. It's a place renowned for many great things like; Red Square, St Basils, GUM [don't ask ??], Lenin's body [don't ask??] and more guilded palace's than you can shake an old man's walking stick at.
Ballet and Opera are a massive draw in Moscow with many, many fine theatre's dotted around the centre of the city. And as a man of impeccable taste and sophistication i've decided to visit a couple of shows here in the U.K before setting off on my travels, just to lubricate my creative juices in readiness. In the past i've been lucky enough to see a few of these types of shows and have found them to be extremely entertaining - even if they do contain young chaps leaping around flashing their lunch boxes for all to see...!
So anyway... at Christmas just gone, as a present to myself [well, no-one else was going to buy me anything] i bought some of the above mentioned tickets. Swan Lake and Romeo & Juliet to be precise. I don't get out much these days, what with the dodgy knee's and shrapnell on the move and stuff. It'll dent my finances a little, but if i don't spend it on me, the government will only steal it. I've made it my destiny to spend what i've got now, and die a pauper later.
What would be really nice would be to visit the home of ballet; The Bolshoi Theatre [Bolshoi means 'grande' in russian btw]. Now newly restored to the tune of $700 million it has to be mecca of Ballet, easily beating 'La Scala' in Italy [maybe i'll visit that one next year, if i live that long, lol]. One thing is for sure, with the temperatures in Moscow dropping below -30 i doubt there'll be many bulging lunch boxes on display!!
When you get to my age there's very little in life that makes you laugh, not surprising when death is just a sneeze away, but, the other day, laugh i did. Tesco announced that it's Christmas profits were well down on previous years. FYI, Tesco and more notably the people who shop in it can only be described as 'scum-of-the-earth'. You know, the types of lower class people who shop in their pyjamas and buy 30 loaves of bread, gallons of milk and a lorry load of nappies, just because a microscopic dusting of snow has been predicted next month
.
To an intelligent man such as myself, one who's been trained in pshycological warfare as well as hand-to-hand-combat it comes as no surprise Tesco's profits were down. When you have people like; fuzzy faced TV chef, Anthony Womble Thompson stealing all the stock!!!
It beggars belief that a man who is worth millions can find the justification for stealing food. Why didn't he steal it from his own restaurants??
I'm not sure what i find more disgusting.. apart from the stupid beard... is it the fact that a millionaire can happily steal, whilst hard pressed families struggle to get-by in a low wage/high taxation economy OR because during the summer riots a person was given a lengthy stretch in Butlins jail for nicking a bottle of mineral water, especially when you consider that serial shoplifter Thompson walked away from his crimes scot-free and avoided a similar prison sentence... probably on the grounds he's got shed loads of cash. One rule for the rich.....?
That's the thing with most rich people, they're rich for a reason. Whether it's because they're good at lying, good at stealing or just plain and simply- being tight bstards. Rattle a collection tin infront of a wealthy person and they'll say they're either too skint or too busy to donate. Do the same thing with a poor person and they'll usually dig around and find some loose change somewhere. It doesn't take a science degree to realise that rich people have no morals regardless of whether they're a Canary Wharf con-merchant or a bloated TV chef.
The other day, whilst waiting patiently at the chiropodists to get my bunions sorted i heard a great line from a chap called Terry Christian who was on 'The Wright Stuff', he said: ''the only thing that money can't buy is poverty.'' How true... how very true. But maybe honesty, dignity and morals should also be added to the list?
Pff... where do i start? That young Paul Daniels chappy has been in the wars recently. Whilst doing a spot of DIY he cut off one of his fingers!! Luckily for him it wasn't his index finger or the lovely Debbie MaGoo might have stern words for the toupee'd magician. It not all bad news though, Paul has now decided to incorporate the sliding thumb trick into his new magic show. I know you'll like it, not a lot ....!
I always remember some journo asking Debbie the now famous question of: ''so tell me, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?'' heheheh ... Many a true word spoken in jest.
This year seems to be flying by already. Unusually for me i sense it's going to be a grrreat year, if i live long enough to see it out, i can almost feel it in my tender loins..!! My chakras are fully aligned. Last week i finally managed to get my hemorrhoid's sorted out. Phew! that was a weight off my mind - quite literally. Those little buggers were really causing me some aggravation over Christmas. At one point they were hanging so low i seriously thought about starting up my very own vineyard...!
My pre-New Year resolutions, which were to keep fingers un-nibbled, trying to be the bigger/better person during disagreements and global travel are all coming along nicely. What i didn't realise is how much hardwork goes into planning a vacation. I almost need a holiday before i take my original holiday. One things for sure, i won't be going on any European Cruise's for the foreseeable future. Them greasy foreign sailors, sheeesh kebab, is it any wonder Admiral Nelson managed to destroy an entire fleet of battleships with HMS Victory. Rule Britannia, that's wot i say!
So you can really tell it's getting towards the end of the year, as around this time you see lots of out of shape, couch potatoes chucking their guts up, red faced and blundering down the street as they plan to be the new Paula Radcliffe.
That's the trouble with people these days. They spend all year gorging on lard pies and cakes then have a heart whilst trying to loose half their body weight in a fortnight. By god, when me and my company were ninja training in the jungles of Borneo we really knew how to be in tune with our bodies and senses. Many a time hand-to-hand combat was fought in total darkness, a man had to be in a total state of awareness and harmony with one's surroundings, or to the uncouthed layman on the street .... ''unagi''
That's the good thing about being a tightfisted Scrooge over Christmas. Zero weight gain! Not just a hat rack my friend, not just a hat rack. Although being totally honest i did throw caution to the wind and by a box of mince pies last week, well, they were on special offer. So you see, even Mr Heckles can splash the cash occasionally. Hey!!... you filthy minded toe-rags, i said 'splash the cash' .... not...!
I know it's hard to believe but, i'm not much of a fan of Christmas or New Years. I think it must stem from my childhood, as the working poor we had to make do with very little. Not like kids today who think they're hard-done-by if they don't get a room full of computer gizmo's and a miniature pony that sh*ts gold sovereigns. When you get to my age it just means another year has passed you by, with a broken heart and a painful death just that little bit closer.
New Years resolutions are another pain in the derriere. Normally i don't bother as i'm pretty much perfect. But i guess there's always room for improvement, so keeping my nails shorter and refraining from nibbling the ends of my fingers [that part of the human body doesn't have a specific name] when i'm under intolerable pressure. It'll be a tough challenge but being a man of courage and moral fortitude doesn't come easy. I have also decided to see the world a bit more. Admittedly, a war pension doesn't stretch far these days, especially when you consider how much poor people like me have to subsidise the corrupt bankers in Canary Wharf. I reckon if i turn off the central heating, live in just one room of the house and eat cheapy baked beans for breakfast, dinner and tea, i should be able to afford it. Eating all those beans will probably mean i don't need need the heating on anyway, crikey, it'll be like a scene out of Blazing Saddles!!!!!
Moscow [that's in Russia btw] is a place i've longed to visit. The Kremlin and St. Basil's Cathedral are just two of the many fascinating places i'd love to have a nosey around. The only real problem in can envisage is the language barrier. I've already learnt a spot of Russian. ''Neit''... it means ''NO''. Yup, not just a pretty face you know. Unfortunately the phrase; ''bugger off before i hit you with my walking stick'' doesn't translate very well. Why they can't all speak English is beyond me. How bloomin' rude is that? That's the trouble when you start travelling abroad, them foreigner's, they're such an ignorant bunch of комуністи !!!
So many things have been happening in the last few weeks it's getting hard to keep track at times.
I read an article the other day about a drunken youth in Bolivia who jumped into a river and was eaten alive by piranha fish. That story really gave me the willies as i was thinking about treating myself to one of those fish-pedicures down at the local shopping centre!! Looks like those bunions will have to wait a bit longer. here.
As you know, i always like to observe things, people and places, probably because names, numbers and dates just fly straight out of my head. Why, a few years ago i nearly forgot my own birthday, although it'll be a long time before i forget the last one, lol. Just the other day i observed a woman sitting in her posh BMW who was, bold as brass, greedily picking her nose ... and eating it! Dirty woman or is it just a BMW driver thing? It amazes me how drivers think they're invisible when sitting behind the wheel?
As you know, i'm not a big fan of politicians. If i had my way they'd all be pinned to the front of a 4x4, but i guess i'm just a big softie. So the events of late have given me some cause to re-evaluate things. Seeing that Tory scumbag Cameron stick two fingers up and saying a big fat NO to the 'white-flag' brigade in Europe makes me proud to be British. Those dimwitts on the continent already have too much say in how this country is run, mainly thanks to spineless Blair and Brown. Europe has gone tits-up so why do we want them controlling our taxes, spending ..... and debts.... that the greedy thieves in London created.... leaving the weak and vulnerable to repay, as always.
World leaders are currently jumping up and down about nasty Iroonis developing nuclear power. Tighter and tighter sanctions are being imposed with foreign embassys being closed down and flags being burned in the street. Ooh scarey!! Well if leaders want Iran to be brought to its knees within the next few months then all they have to do is convince Mr Armadinejad to join the single currency. That should about do it.
I dunno, I have a few weeks off from blogging and the whole place starts going pear shaped. Can't I leave you lot alone for just five minutes??
If you've been reading the papers of late; crazy things have been happening recently, not only to my good-self, but events of global cataclysmic magnitudes!! But seeming as this blog is all about ''me, me, me''- we'll deal with my musings first, they're far more important.
Anyway....... I'm starting to think I may have developed super-powers, because in the space of a week i've sat and watched three women [of varying degrees of hotness] fall flat on their arses.
The 1st one was using a swing [no, not a sex swing!], a swing on a park, went too high [for a female] and came flying off, legs akimbo and hit the dirt, hard.
The 2nd one was elegantly strolling across a set of congested traffic lights and somehow manage to get her flip-flopped foot caught up in the hem of her baggy/floaty trousers and went sprawling, big time! How embarrassing! I would of wet myself laughing but for the fact she was really, really hot. Well, I don't want to ruin my chances....
The 3rd one was this annoying woman at Asda. There was little old me trying to pull out of my parking space when this pram-faced/tracksuit wearing/slummy mummy walked in front of my car, ''women, always getting in the flaming way'' i muttered to myself. Just then [in a car park the size of half a dozen football pitches] she trod and slipped on a banana skin. She managed to pull off a somersault so perfect even Tom Daley would of been proud. I'll have to give her some credit as she quickly got back up onto her feet, probably cussing me as she limped off. lol.
Now, with the first 2, I thought ''that's a bit of a coincedence'', but when the 3rd one happened I started to think something spooky was taking place. The only rational explanation I can come up with is this; due to my increased levels of intelligence, sexiness and charisma, these traits have now manifested themselves into the form of Telekinesis. For those of you that are unaware [or uneducated] what it means is; the power to control objects remotely, using brainwaves!! Why this special gift from the heavens has only just started revealing itself is a mystery to me. Since the age of 13 i've been concentrating intensely on the female cleavage hoping those pesky blouse buttons will come flying off, but to no avail.
Then, just the other day, major news. It was splashed all over the newspapers, people celebrating, gathering in the streets, chanting and cheering, all because afters years of living under oppression and misery they'd finally heard the news they'd been longing to hear. Yes, you've guessed it; Steps are getting back together!! My God, I was soo happy I nearly rushed out into the street and emptied my Kalashnikov !!! And before you ask, no, that's not a euphemism for something else. You filthy buggers!
Hmmm ....... if i stare hard enough at Lisa Scott-Lee's blouse ...?
Well, i don't know about you miserable lot but i'm sick to death about all this digital switchover gubbins. Everytime i switch on the telly there are even more flaming adverts for the thing. Bonkers! In the past couple of months i've had to reset my digibox more times than Ulrika Jonhsons nose !
Anyway...... It came to a head the other day with all the faffing and stuff. Nearly ended up missing my favourite day-time TV show: Real Fishwives Of New York City. Whaaat? For those people who haven't witnessed the delights of this recent US import it's about a bunch of wealthy, self-obsessed, insecure, loud-mouthed, backstabbing housewives. The only thing these so-called friends seem to have in common is; they all live in swanky condos [??], wear swanky clothes and eat at swanky restaurants yet none of them seem to have any definable means of income, coupled with the fact they've all been under the surgeons knife yet somehow have skillfully managed to master the art of looking 10 to 15 years older than they should. Characters include:
Bethanny Frankel [yes, that's a real name!].A woman who lives in a flat the size of rabbit hutch and has had so much botox in her face it doesn't even move when she sneezes.
Alex and Simon. Two people joined at the hip who continually insist on getting their straggly haired kid [Francoise, yes that's a real name!] to speak French. God only knows why, they don't even speak that language in France! [yes, that's a real country!] Alex is the painfully skinny, doting wife who bears a passing resemblance to Nicole Kidman, albeit a very poor version, if that's possible. And Simon.... a man who likes to wear Speedos!!! I'll say no more.
The posh one who likes to be known at all times as: Countess Luann De Lesseps. All fur coat and no knickers if you ask me. A woman who claims to be a normal, grounded, unpretentious person despite her high faluting title. A title she got by marrying some guy who came from some insignificant European country that nobody has heard of, that, whilst back in World War 2 probably got steam-rollered by Nazi paratroopers in around the time it takes to boil a kettle.
As i mentioned, Luann loves using her title nearly as much as she likes hearing others use it. On a recent outing with Botox Bethanny, Luann was introduced to the immigrant chauffeur merely as ''Luann.'' A conversation quickly ensued in the back of the car [in earshot of said chauffeur] with Luann saying she prefered the ''hired help'' to address her as Countess De Lesseps. Oh merci me!! All this snobbery backfired at The Hamptons whilst on the phone trying to order pizza for her equally snobby kids. It went something like this, ahem .....
Her: 'i'd like to order 2 cheese and tomato pizzas'
Pizza guy: 'what name is it'
Her: 'Mrs De Lesseps ........... Countess De Lesseps'
Pizza guy: ....'who?'
Snakes alive, did i laugh or what. You just can't script that kinda stuff. Okay, so the show has got more cheese than a tramps cock, but you just can't argue with comedy gold like that.
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So, yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. One of those rare moments in history where everyone remembers exactly where they were at the time.
George Bush Jnr was talking to a group of school children. Me, well i'd just come in from the garden, flicked on the telly, saw the first tower in flames and thought it was a trailer for a soon-to-be-released blockbuster movie. I guess it must of took a minute or two for the penny to drop .... and my jaw to follow. Helplessly watching those poor souls hanging out of the windows unable to get to safety and the firefighters who where climbing the stairs to rescue people made my heart sink, as it still does today.
It's amazing that it's been 10 years, time passes so quickly these days, but for many people the wounds haven't healed. I'd hope the relatives, friends and colleagues could take some comfort in the knowledge that their loved ones didn't die in vain but have helped make the world a safer place for us all.
