I've got the horn !?!!

No, not that kind of horn! You have a filthy mind. Besides, it's along time since there was any movement in that area i'll have you know, ahem. I'm of course talking about those damned vuvuzelas at the World Cup. As you know, i'm not the type of chap to moan about anything, but what kind of blithering idiot thought thousands of Africans blowing cheap plastic horns would be a good idea? Why, Nobby Stiles would be turning in his grave if he could see whats happened to our ''beautiful game.''

A global event turned into a farce i reckon. Fans and pundits spending more time talking about vuvu's than they do about football [not soccer]. For once in my life i wish i was a Scotchman. Yes.... i realise that in order to do that i'd have to; [a] wear a string vest [b] become an alcoholic racist [c] adopt the Proclaimers song '500 miles' as my national anthem, but at least then i wouldn't have a problem with these horns because Scotts never watch any World Cups games, primarily because they never participate in it. lol.

Anyway... i've now found a nifty way of overcoming the irritating drone of the vuvuzelas. Everytime the football starts i get out the vacuum cleaner and get busy. It drowns out the noise a treat and my carpets have never been so clean. The Shake 'n' Vac people are making some serious cash out of me this summer. At least when the football season starts in England we won't have to put up with that infernal racket. Although i did hear that some worried footy fans had read an article about the Nottingham Forest club shop buying 10,000 for next season. Such was the uproar that chairman Nigel Doughty had to issue a statement saying the entire story was pie in the sky as Forest don't even have 10,000 fans.