The New World Order [ according to Mr. H ]

I remember reading the recent findings of a survey that stated that 25% of the general public contributed absolutely nothing to the UK economy. Well it's a good job they didn't survey MP's as we all know they're a bunch of lazy, thieving, self-serving parasites. Anyway... i thought 25% was a tad on the high side until a recent trip to that armpit of the Fens: Peterborough. I've never seen so many dossers and vagrants in my entire life, and i've been to Nottingham and Coventry!!!!!

This got me thinking [dangerous i know] there are just too many people in this world clogging up the roads, blocking pavements, using up earth's natural resources and certainly far too many flaming people queing up at the local Post Office especially when i'm trying to draw my pittance of a state pension. What's needed is a cull. Maybe something along the same lines as that 80's futuristic TV series: Hogan's Run. Now as always there'll be some people who'll complain about it being a bad idea, there's always one moaner isn't there? But instead of getting rid of all us old people [many a good tune and all that], why not just get shot of all the annoying people. Surely it's a win win situation all round.

Maybe we could put them inside a giant cannon and fire them into outer space. Obviously, to comply with health and safety regs they'd be wearing a hi-viz vest, toe-tectors and be given a cheese sandwich and a can of  7Up [apparently it's the chosen drink of astronauts, lol]. Maybe they could be forced to listen to Cheryl [the binge drinking thug] Cole rape her latest song. Surely death would come as a welcome release from that kind of torture? The types of irritating people heading for them pearly white gates would include...

Men who wear leather jackets. [they went out of fashion 20 years ago pal].

Women who wear grey leggings [mainly because cos they're too fat to wear a skirt].

A Question Of Sport viewers [what a croque of...].

Most women drivers [always concentrating too hard to be polite].

People who complain for the sake of it [life's too short for whingers].

Rover car drivers [always expect the unexpected from these doddering fools].

City *ankers [get rich quick merchants who leave the poorest to pick up the tab].

People who wear sunglasses in winter [who do you think you are, Tom Cruise?].

Anyone who's been in front of me in a traffic jam!!!!

Anyone who's been behind me in a trafic jam!!!!

People who support a successful football team even though they have no connection with that club or it's city.

Anyone who's auditioned for X factor [chav TV for brain dead moggadons].

Tesco shoppers [in a nutshell- the lowest of the low].

People who insist on sitting outside Costa Coffee on a wet/windy day whilst trying to pretend they're at some Italian piazza ''people watching.''

People who eat at McDowell's [junk food, high cholesterol and diabetes are not substitutes for love].

People who drop litter [do you drop litter in your own home? No. Didn't think so!].

Slow 'heads-up' swimmers [if you're that scared of getting your hair wet then shave it off or stay out of the pool].

Southerners [most have never done a hard days work in their lives. It would probably kill them].

Computer geeks [nobody likes a show-off].

Inconsiderate plebs who spend 20 minutes tapping away at a cash point just to draw out a tenner.

 infamous wasters heading for the chop would be:

Peter Sutcliffe [what a stupid haircut].

Cheryl Cole [beats up a black toilet attendant whilst out of her face on Bacardi Breezers then quickly marries a useless womanising black footballer to save her 'singing' career and stop people calling her a racist who was recently forced to admit she wore hair extensions whilst doing adverts for hair care products].

Ian Huntley & Maxine Carr [waste of carbon].

Gordon Brown [he's Scottish. eugh!!].

Scottish people [they're always on benefits and drinking meths or LPG].

Danny Dyer [cos he thinks he's a right 'ole proper cockney geezaah!].

Do-gooder Shami Chakrabati [always standing up for the rights of terrorists and spongers].

Now obviously these are just a few annoying types that have sprung to mind but i think you'll agree that by getting shot of the low-lifes above would enhance the lives of decent hardworking folk. The full list of worthless cretins can be found in any copy of Heat Magazine and the NOTW.