Scumbag footballers?

I picked up an old newspaper the other day and was shocked by the front page headline, it read; ''Premiership footballer has sex with his own wife.'' I ask you, what is the world coming to? It seems that every time you read a newspaper there's yet another story about greedy scumbag footballers playing away [i suppose it beats reading about greedy scumbag politicians or Z-factor dross]. Last week some footballer called Ryan Giggs [who?] was outed on loser social networking site Twitter as having a seedy fling with some foreign piece of totty! It's reported that Mr Giggs is extremely nervous and agitated about his marriage being well and truly on the rocks especially as Chelsea player John Terry has started popping round for cups of sugar!

At one time i used to be an avid football fan, but like lots of people, i've fallen out of love with 'the beautiful game.' Money seems to be the only thing players are really interested in these days. Well, that and getting their team mate's wife up the duff or filming themselves wearing white grandad pants. Eugh! How can wet-nosed, lazy players justify earning £100,000 a week when soldiers and nurses are lucky to clear £400. Even though the game seems to be rife with money, sex and greed i stumbled across a newspaper article the other day which restored some of my faith in that not all footballers are pure scum. It read as follows:


DERBY County legend Igor Stimac drove 100 miles to visit a sick Rams fans after hearing he was in hospital in his native Croatia.The football legend responded to a plea by the son of pensioner John Foster, who was desperately worried after hearing his father had taken ill while on holiday.

John, 74, had been on a coach trip around Europe with wife Pearl. The couple's son Mark was frantic with worry so decided to contact the only Croatian person he knew of - the former centre-half Igor. He telephoned Derby County, who sent an email to him and the kind-hearted former player - who now lives back in Croatia - responded. He made the 100 mile trip to visit John - a Pride Park ticket holder - in hospital and liaised with the British Embassy on his behalf.

Igor said he wanted to help after remembering ''how wonderful'' Derby County fans had been to him. ''I felt it was very important because i will never forget how wonderful all the fans were when i was a Derby and how many times they travelled to support us.''

Mark said he was stunned when he heard Igor had visited his dad.
He said: '' i emailed the club saying my parents were having a rough time in Croatia, which was no-one's fault. I asked if my message could be forwarded to Igor and whether there was any chance a get well message could be sent. That's all i expected, but on Friday he turned up at the hospital with his 21 year old son!!'' 

 Mr Stimac. 

Wealthy, caring, handsome, looks great in a suit....

What a complete b*stard!

The American Dream...

Well, it only took about two weeks in the 'land of the free' for B&Q toothed Cheryl Cole to get her P45. I'm surprised it took that long, but then i guess that doesn't say much about the standard of British TV and it's moggadon viewers, because the talentless, anorexic, incoherent northerner has been plastered over our screens for god knows how many years. It's a bit of a shame really. I was hoping by her being in the U.S and A it would mean a nice long break from her annoying adverts, her annoying face... and her even more annoying accent. I know a man should never hit a woman but surely there must exceptions to the rule???

You can take the scum out of the slum, but you can't take the slum out of the scum!

Anyway... sadly for us, it won't be long now before the fame hungry rat is back in the U.K. Cole's agents have finally given up on her ''music'' career as she's proved time and time again she can't sing or dance, and they are now looking for another vehicle to showcase her talents. May i suggest a hearse?

Declining standards of today.

As you are all aware, Mr Heckles is indeed a man of good taste, style and sophistication whilst cutting a debonair, Nigel Havers-esqe swaithe through all that is wrong in the world today. But nothing gets me all riled up like them there ''scruffy buggers'' ... well, apart from that talentless thug; Cheryl Cole.

Yes, whilst flicking [yes, i did say FL-icking]  through some old photos t'uther night it dawned on me how people's dress sense seems to of disappeared over the past few decades. My old Polaroid pictures of family and friends on trips to the coast all had something in common, they were all wearing collared shirts and trousers even in the height of summer. And very smart we were too! Contrast that with you slovenly, unwashed folks of today. Most of you people, regardless of where you might be, walk around looking like you've spent the night on a park bench or gotten dressed after waking up in a burning house!!!



The good olde days

 Yes indeed. No scruffy types back then you know. Everyone was well turned out, keeping up the standards. It's the kind of stuff that made the Empire so great. Why even on a recent night out at the theatre i was horrified to see people wearing .... wait for it.......jeans.... and trainers, God dammit! Have YOU people have no shame? If you can't get spruced for a night on the tiles then exactly what can you spruced up for?? Where will it all end?

                                                  fashion tips for scruffy buggers of today

Where's Maddy?

Well its been 4 years since toddler Madeline McCann was kidnapped from a hotel room in the stuck-up Portuguese Eldorado holiday resort of Praia De Luz. So that's 4 years of tears, puffy eyes, pain, torture and misery! .... [and that's just what the general public have had to endure]. 4 years of hand wringing. 4 years of an insipid media campaign. 4 years of never owning up to the fact that because the McCann clan put going out on the lash with their toffee nosed rich friends before their own flesh and blood they are now minus one kid.





4 years of double standards whilst Social Services spinelessly look the other way whilst a child is abducted due to it's brain dead parents negligence. We all know that if this had of happened to Tracey and Kev from the local sink estate they would of been hammered by the national press and found themselves in handcuffs once on UK terrafirma. I guess when you have friends in high places, your own personal spokesperson and have plenty of wonga in the bank then you can pretty much get away with anything. Lets not forget that they also left their other two babies alone in that hotel room. Now i ask you, what kind of parents would not only leave a toddler alone whilst going for a knee's up, but also two small babies?

So now the media freak show/gravy train has started all over again. There's a new batch of interviews and book to keep the McCann brand alive and kicking [no pun intended]. Private detectives have earned themselves a small fortune travelling all over the globe in the hunt for the mysterious abductor of Madeline, yet the real culprits are sitting in their posh house just north of Leicester!!!

So what about the next 4 years then? Maybe a Hollywood movie, a stage play or musical perhaps? Whatever happens i just hope that if Madeline McCann is still alive her ''new'' parents do a better job looking after her than the old ones ever did.