Horses for Courses and Racists!!!

It's been a couple of weeks now, and the horse meat scandal is still 'galloping' along nicely. If you ask me, this story will 'run and run'. You could says it's got 'legs'. That's just one of the problems with people these days - too bloody lazy to do a spot of home cooking, preferring to buy pre-packaged ready meals. In my day, women knew how to rustle up a good hearty meal for thrupence - and if they didn't they got a thick ear!! These days them women are too busy sitting at bingo waving their bingo-wings and scoffing rubbish at McDowell's. That's the problem with all these women's lib types. Some might say my views are old fashioned and that I'm 'flogging' a dead horse or just 'nag'-ging, but I wouldn't want to be in their 'horse-shoes' when it all backfires.

Sources say the meat scandal has hit other products too. Apparently, traces of Zebra have been found in various pies. Food Standards bosses seem to think it's something to do with the barcodes on the packaging! Even the pub trade has been hit, with traces of Red Rum found in some optics!... sorry, I'll stop 'horseing around'! 

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Now then, that story reminded me of a recent event - going from horses to people who eat like horses, ie: Americans! It's been just over a month since my bucket trip to New York and whilst I was there the funniest thing happened - something that could only happen in America. After a night-out at the theatre, I flicked on the local TV news only to see a report about a woman who fell through the pavement. At first I thought they were joking, until her weight was estimated at around 400Ibs!! So heavy they reckoned the fat on her body saved her from serious injury - like a big cushion. Although it still took the Fire Brigade many hours and a small crane got get her out. Only in America folks!

 

Yes, since you asked, my now annual, New Year Saga trip to the Big Apple was a major success - it's all in the planning don't ya know. That's one of the bonuses of being an ex-services man - military style planning! As previously mentioned before, the idea was to get there just as the snow was starting to fall, but sometimes the best laid plans don't come to fruition and I just got the cold snap instead. That said, it was a fabulous place to spend a week or so. My old war wound meant the subway was utilised to the full whilst visiting all the major sights with a grand total of 5 shows attended. At one particular show, called Avenue Q,  I even got 'mauled' by a puppet. Now luckily for him I've got a superb sense of humour otherwise my Attorney would of taken that goddam stinking son of a bitch [yes, him there, in the grey t-shirt] to the cleaners. pah!

 

 

 

With all the hustle and bustle new York has to offer means it's nice to do a spot of relaxing to re-charge the old batteries, which is where Central Park comes in handy. After having a gawp at John Lennon's memorial I spent a fabulous couple of hours sitting on a comfy seat overlooking the Ice Rink and doing at spot of reading. I'd taken with me probably the best book I've read so far in 2013 called 'Between The Assasinations' by Aravind Adiga. A truly great book with some fascinating stories of hardship, woven together by a genius of a writer.

 

After 8 days I was just about ready to come back to Blighty - as there's no place like home. Another trip to NY is planned for Jan 2014, but in order to stick to my resolutions from New Years 2012 I'll have to visit one place I've never been to first! St Petersburg and the Mariinski is high on the list as it got cancelled due to having an operation to get my hemorrhoids tied up. Other new destinations in the offing are: Paris, King Kong, Delhi or Mumbai. Unfortunately, all these places have one major problem - too many bloody foreigners.

The tree and rink at Bryant Park.

I thought they tasted a bit funny!

 

 

 





Empire State Building.

Central Perk..sorry.. Park!

That's a weight off my mind..

After a lot of straining, puffing and panting I've finally managed to empty my back passage! ....Tshh no, not that kind of back passage, you filthy blighters. It's that time of year when Mr H gives the homestead a good spring clean and throws out all that unwanted clutter and jumble. Why even the bedsheets got a good wash.... and they weren't even scheduled to be scrubbed until August. I think I might of become one of those TCP types, you know, where everything has to be super-duper clean.

As you know, I'm not a huge fan of the tellybox, much preferring a good book, but the other day I decided it might be quite nice to watch an episode of Eastenders - or was it because I was too damn lazy to get up for the remote? Anyway..... the last time I witnessed that much cobblers was when Gordon Brown promised, ''British jobs for British workers.'' In the space of 30 minutes I saw...

A ginger bloke wandering around covered in bruises. [Being London, it was probably a gang related drug deal gone wrong].
Another person got smacked in the mouth.
Another person caught cancer.
Another person got a marriage proposal.
And a really hot, nubile girl claimed undying love for a middle aged, chubby Postman. [Yeah, cos that always happens in real life..]

Not to mention all the constant screaming and shouting throughout the soap show.

My god, I know it's rough in London, but surely it ain't that bad. I remember back in the olden days when we had proper telly. None of this shouting rubbish at each other nonsense. Now then, Emmerdale Farm was far more interesting. Nobody had affairs, got beaten up or got cancer. It focused on real issues like; lambing season, sheep shearing, Mat & Dolly and of course Mr Wilks and Amos Brearly down at t' Woolpack quietly smoking their pipes - and all without a smutty joke or homosexual in sight. Them were the days, them were.... them were the days. 

Untermensch!

Well, well. After 8 years in the gilded hot-seat, one of the most uncharismatic persons alive has finally decided to quit. Yup, Commandant Benedict Ratzinger, has resigned, sighting old age and ill health - or maybe he just looked in the mirror and didn't like what he saw?

 

Never before has one man done so much to deflect, hide and cover up a global child sex offenders network stretching back many decades. That's thousands and thousands of children all around the globe repeatedly raped and abused [with many committing suicide as a result] and the Hitler Youth Pontiff did next to nothing to stop it happening or bring the perverts to justice. Those who were judged by him and his cronies of committing offences were moved to different parishes [to no doubt start praying on a new flock] and the victims were instructed to keep their mouths firmly shut.

 

 

 

It's my understanding that people who have knowledge of crimes and do nothing, or try to conceal evidence are clearly guilty of aiding and abetting, and as such are liable for prosecution. Unfortunately for us decent folk, when a paedophiles best friend happens to be the head of a cult with 1 billion followers [about the same amount as the audience for The Eurovision Song Contest] you can get away with absolutely anything.

 

Why Heir Flick wasn't immediately arrested when he stepped foot on British soil in 2010 is anyone's guess. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that UK politicians were scared he'd drop them in it, as there are plenty of allegations bubbling about paedophile sex rings in Westminster. And don't even get me started on why he forbid people in HIV ravaged Africa to wear condoms or the fact that women who are raped are banned from getting abortions in S**thern Irel**d.

Yes, this git is a real danger to public health on every level. When he dies - he will answer to God for his crimes against humanity, which is just as well because no-one has the balls to do it while he's alive.

 

 Amen!