As you all know, i am a master of witt and funny practical jokes, and like nothing more than a good chuckle, but last weekend i over-did it to the point of almost cracking a rib. Seeing on the news that a dog had won BGT had me doubled up in convulsions - the last time that happened it was because of my old hernia problems!
It wasn't the fact a dog had won BGT and £500,000 in prize money. No! It was the realisation that for the past few months about 5 million losers had spent their evenings gormlessly glued to the TV set watching a stupid talent show - only to find there wasn't any talent available, apart from that of a flea-bitten mutt. My God, i can't wait for next series.
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As you are no doubt aware, after today i shall be observing total radio silence and putting all my military training to good use as i go deep undercover in the heart of The Soviet Union. Yes, i do realise it's now called The Russian Federation, but Soviet Union sounds a lot more dangerous, don't cha think?!!
Key objectives for Agent Heckles will be to seek out, gather information and photograph all the main tourist sites in Moscow; The Kremlin, St Basil's, Lenin's Tomb, The Bolshoi and Izmailovsky Market are just a few of the many targets earmarked for reconnaissance.
Izmailovsky Market. [yes, that's actually a market!]
Now, i may of aged a few years since my military days, shaddowing the British Secret Service, but i'll still look like i've got a licence to thrill when suited-up in the evenings. Although it's been quite a few years since a young lady has approached me with the phrase: ''Agent Heckles, is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?'' Groan!
For those of you not lucky enough to be recieving a holiday momento upon my return, i leave you with the gift of my infinate wisdom, in the form of my, now regular, 'wise words'....
''A Nursed Grudge Never Heals''
Enjoy!
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